All at once

25 things

1. I feel as though in all the searching I have done. I have simply lost myself. Secretly I am terrified that I'll never discover the real me.
2. I don't want to get a real job. I would be completely content to work chill fun jobs, and just write poetry and do photography the rest of my life. As long as I can travel and do art I will be happy.
3. I feel like to many people are expecting me to do the opposite of what I want and that I'll ultimately choose what they want....that scares the crap out of me.
4. I've always told myself that I would never regret anything I did, but I do, and I lie to myself everyday saying that it doesn't matter, and that I'll eventually get over the things I've done, when I know I won't.
5. I love musicals..:)
6. I get my love of art from my mother, I also get my all my creativity from her, which I love, because no matter how distant I am from her both physically and emotionally, we will always have that connection.
7. I love love love all the music from the prince of egypt. It is seriously one of the greatest movies ever.
8. My dad loves my singing voice, and I wish I had sung more when I was around him. Somestimes I wish I could see him just to sing to him.
9. When I was little everyone told me I talked to much, now I hardly talk at all, but I have learned so much more from being silent. I should have listened years ago :)
10. I wish that I was more original, and that I could be comfortable with myself, but I'm not. I think I'm fat.
11. I used to think I was beautiful, but now I feel like I get uglier everyday.
12. My daddy used the world was my oyster, I wish I had listened.
13. I am supposed to be going into my junior year of college in the fall of 2009. I still be a freshman....
14. I want to be a super atheletic vegitarian, but instead I make up excuses not to work out.
15. I was born to be a free, independent, traveling, artistic, expressive, crazy person.....but I'm not. I have to hold myself back everyday, and I shouldn't because that is the dumbest thing I have ever written.
16. I threw away all my poetry that I wrote when I was with my ex-boyfriend because it made my fiance upset. Why would I do that? Those poems had nothing to do with my ex, and everything to do with me growing as a person. I should have stood up for myself and my art.
17. I love playing the piano, and I wish I could afford one, and the lessons to go along with it.
18. I would rather shop in a thrift store that at the mall..I don't care that other people think that that's dumb. It's practical, and fun!
19. I want a puppy so so bad!
20. I wish that I could be a ballerina, as corny and childish as that sounds....its true.
21. I strongly dislike big banks, car companies, and large corporations in general.
22. I like writing poems, but I have only completed about 4 poems since I started writing them.
23. I love scarves in the winter time..its fun.
24. I hate being dependent on anyone. It's not in my nature, but some how it keeps happening.
25. Going to see spoken word poetry ignited something in me that I will never be able to put out, or away. It opened my eyes.